Thursday, October 14, 2010

Ole Miss Rebel Black Bear

As you may already have heard the Ole Miss Running Rebels have officially changed their on-field mascot to the Rebel Black Bear.

Normally, you won't find me dabbling in the affairs of the S.E.C., but strange things are afoot my friends. Nefarious and strange things.

After an exhaustive search for the Mississippi Black Bear, it has been discovered by the crack Productive Sweatpants research team, that the bear is not only on the Federal Threatened animals list, no much more disturbing: Rebel Black Bear is actually from Louisiana!

Ursus americanus luteolus. The species known as the Louisiana Black Bear is found in Mississippi and was no doubt the muse for William Faulkner's Old Ben from "The Bear". Even more interesting is that the Louisiana Black Bear has been on the Federal Threatened Animals list since January 7, 1992. I believe it is no coincidence that in that same year Ole Miss was put into the Western Division as the SEC added Arkansas and South Carolina. To date Ole Miss has not won a divisional championship. Although, in 2003 they tied for the division championship with none of than LSU - Louisiana State University. You see where we are headed here?

Has LSU now achieved a permanent edge in the Magnolia Bowl? They already lead the series 55-39-4, but after losing the last two meeting, evil genius, mastermind Les Miles must have concocted this little plan to gain the edge in the match-up.

Isn't it clear? The Louisiana Black Bear is distinguished from other black bears by possessing a skull that is longer, more narrow, and flat, and by possessing proportionately large molar teeth. Save the comparison to iron-clad genitalia, doesn't that description seem remotely familiar:

Could this just a coincidence? Maybe. But if you doubt for one minute that Les Miles does not possess the power to subvert the voting process by brain washing the student body to vote for the bear or Lesi mind trick the committee to put up Rebel Land Shark and Hotty Toddy up against the Bear like he Lesi mind tricked Derrick Doolie into putting 13 guys on the field, you don't know or fear the power of Les Miles.

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