Monday, November 15, 2010

Johnny Be Savin the NCAA

By now you've all heard the Cam Newton news. It's everywhere. The NCAA is involved. The FBI is involved. Commentators are pontificating about morals. I'm pretty sure the Justice League is dispatching the Wonder Twins to Starkville to get to the bottom of it.

By now none of us can be surprised that major college sports athletes take money. Not all mind you, but on occasion it happens. And when it does, it gives "journalists" the opportunity to climb up on their soap boxes and preach to us about morality and respect for the game and blah, blah, blah. And it sends the most inept governing body in the world searching for a way to stop the atrocities these evil boosters and agents are enacting upon these innocent kids.

Good news for you NCAA, Productive Sweatpants has the solution: Johnny Be Good. You heard me right. Johnny Be Good.

As summarized on IMDB:
It's recruiting time and despite being short and scrawny, Johnny Walker is America's hottest young football prospect. His dilemma: should he take one of the many offers from college talent scouts or should he attend the local state college with his girlfriend and give up his football career?
Perfect, no? Seeing what happens to Johnny Walker and his best buddy Leo Wiggins is sure to keep recruits safe from predators that corrupted Reggie Bush and Cam Newton. Who wants to lose Uma Thurman? I mean what kid would want to go through the trials and tribulations that Johnny does in this classic film?  Let alone allow their best friend to be corrupted like that. It's a terrifying tale, IMHO.

So here's the plan. We require all high school football recruits to watch this movie before they begin their recruitment process. For the big time guys we can schedule personal, private screenings with Anthony Michael Hall himself. At which point we require each recruit to do an essay as why recruiting violations are an affront to human decency and the integrity of the NCAA.

I can't see how this would fail to clean up the corruption in College sports today. If Anthony Michael Hall and Robert Downy Jr. can't do it, well friends I'm not sure if there is any hope to return to the hallowed days of innocence and purity.

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