Friday, December 2, 2011

He Said. He Said. Conference USA Championship

It's been a few weeks, but it's back. And I personally can't think of a better game to revive this segment than:

(24) Southern Mississippi (10-2, 6-2) @ (6) Houston (12-0, 8-0) Saturday 12:00 ET ABC



He Said: Southern Miss
Is it the impossible task? Difficult, yes. Impossible? No. So there you have it, the Golden Eagles have to come into this game with all the confidence and cockiness of SEC Guy on Saturday. Southern Miss will just have get some pressure from their front four and hold on to the football for long TD drives to minimize Case Keenum and the Cougar offense. 

The bottom line is Houston has played against a defense as good as the Golden Eagles. The defenses they've faced rank like this: 84, 105, 54, 104, 58, 87, 112, 115, 82, 37 and 90. And in the two games against defenses with a pulse they only put up 35 and 37 points. Southern Miss's defense is ranked 25th overall. Now I'm sure Mr. "I Worship Two Teams That Score 15 Points In Their Big Game" is going to spout off something about Heisman this and unstoppable that about Keenum. But the bottom line is he hasn't see this good a defense all season. SO DB Derron Wilson and SR DB Marquese Wheaton are going to have to step up their game. But LBs Ronnie Thornton and Jamie Collins are going to have to be more prepared than Breezy and his worn out wallet sex packet on a Saturday night, because they will be tested.

Offensively it's simple: Hold On To The Ball. The Golden Eagles score pretty quick and this isn't their forte if you will. But they can run the football. FR RB Jamaal Woodyard is going to have to have a big game. The Golden Eagles offense is going to have to eat clock and score touchdowns. We only need to see K Danny Hrapmann for extra points and that's is it. 

All in all it's a winnable game. I can only imagine the amount of Keenum slerping you're going to have to endure from South Eastern Boy over the next few paragraphs. So hold your breath and I apologize in advance. But remember that defense wins championships. And yes, that pertains to CUSA. Southern Miss 38-35.

He Said: Houston
Hey Loyal Readers, 

Well with my return from a well-earned hiatus, this week all of you get a special double dose of the entertainment, knowledge and game winning acumen that you can't find anywhere else than from your humble correspondent. And to kick things off for my triumphant return (much like Alabama's return to their rightful spot in a pending rematch with LSU) I'm taking on Lazy Sweatpants in a little He Said. He Said.

Before I get into all the reasons why Houston will beat Southern Miss (and cover the spread) I did want to 
give a quick shout out to Europe for continuing to not solve their debt crisis, which is throwing the markets into a frenzy and doing absolutely nothing for my early retirement. Don’t they realize that by killing his “portfolio,” Breezy is going blow through his 401(k) by this weekend and his girlfriend Candy will leave his 375 square foot studio apartment for a nice double wide with Bubba? And that would be a shame.  At this point, I’m not sure what’s going to happen first…countries learning fiscal discipline or NVNole actually writing a blog. I’ll lay 5 to 3 odds on European solvency.

Anyway, enough politics – let’s get to something that really matters, namely why Case, Coach Sumlin, and crew are going to take Southern Miss apart this weekend. To start, Houston puts up more points per game (52.7) and passing yards per game (450) than anybody else in the FBS. And there’s a common misconception that the Cougars can’t play D, but upon closer inspection they only give up about 21 points per game and in their past four have given up 13, 17, 7, and 16 respectively. Moreover, in their last game they surrendered only 16 to Tulsa, a team averaging over 34 points per game and whose only other losses are to OklahomaBoiseState, and Oklahoma State

Given that his position is essentially indefensible I’m not sure what kind of lame story Lazy Sweatpants will try to sell you, but before buying whatever crap sandwich he’s selling, just remember this is the same guy who graciously loses you money every week on the Big East. He’ll probably mention something about Southern Miss having a balanced offense (262 yards passing/game and 208 yards rushing/game) or that the Eagles only give up 20.5 ppg.

Of course, I doubt he’ll mention that Southern Miss already has losses not only to a 6-6 Marshall squad (say it with me – “We are…” “…Marshall…”…”We are…” “…Marshall.” Seriously, where are Matthew McConaughey and that guy who was Joe’s dad in Simon Birch when you need them?). Oh, and he’s likely to leave out that Southern Miss laid an egg against UAB when they were finally getting some love in the polls. Of course, in Lazy’s defense UAB is 3-9. Then again, given his lack of detailed analysis he’s probably thinking that Southern Miss lost to the Crimson Tide (at least he’d recognize that Alabama is the 2nd best team…and we’ll give him a pass on failing to recognize that UAB isn’t the Crimson Tide…after all, he’s a Michigan guy who finally beat the Buckeyes only to see his hated rival get their Urban Renewal started so he’s probably in some sort of fugue state wandering the streets of Vegas, muttering to himself)

So, ask yourself – would you rather take a 6th year senior quarterback who has thrown for more yards than anyone, at home, in a game to send his team to a BCS game or the team that lost to a 3-9 UAB squad and is being defended by a guy who claims to be productive in sweatpants (seriously sweatpants? Why not just call it Productive Sinbad Pants? Or Productive MC Hammer Gear? Then again, Lazy’s affinity for tank tops and back hair do call to mind a certain 80’s nostalgia so maybe sweatpants are appropriate)

In closing, don’t forget to check out the rest of the blogs this week (including your humble correspondent’s take on the SEC championship game) but in the meantime, take Case Keenum and Houston to win easily. Houston 45-14.

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