Thursday, September 10, 2015

He Said, He Said...The Return of the King

Hey Everyone,

First off - it's phenomenal to be back, and you're welcome in advance for the privilege to read more wit and wisdom from your friendly neighborhood SEC Guy.

After spending last football season buffing my replica national championship rings into a high polish shine, I accidentally clicked on the Productive Sweatpants blog and noticed that not only is Drake still posting gibberish about Michigan actually winning a game, he's taken to posting things in foreign languages and continues to bash the SEC (as noted by his advice to take Arizona State - ARIZONA STATE over the TAMU Fighting Sumlin's). Sadly, that wasn't the thing that caused your idol to stop admiring up my SEC was the 2 a.m. voice mail from Drake doing his best Captain Kurtz Apocalypse Now impression "...the Harbaugh...the Harbaugh..."

It was then I knew I had to step in - for the good of the interweb, for the good of Drake's 4 faithful readers, for the good of Drake's own sanity, and most of all for the good of humanity as a whole; I'm nothing if not a humanitarian!

And with that, let's rekindle some He Said, He Said (although I know it would be more interesting for everyone if I just argued with myself, as I mentioned, I'm a humanitarian...and as a fan of an inferior team like the Fighting Ex-Hoke's, it's only fair I let Drake contribute).

Did I let him return? Yes

Did I let him title this post? What do you think?

Is it going to be the same ol’ piles of horseshit from him? Would you expect anything less?

Yes, Sparky was busy polishing things, but the subject of what he was polishing is probably better suited for a more mature blog. I'm assuming he got bored with the endless wanking and finally decided it was time to spew more garbage to you, the fine readers of Productive Sweatpants.

Either that or his wife finally got sick of hearing his shit and forced him out of retirement. 

Regardless of how or why, He Said, He Said is back! 

He Said: SEC Guy
Why Michigan State (easily) covers the 3.5 point spread

Since we're only on Week 2, there's not a ton of stats to go on (although that probably won't stop Drake from saying something about Michigan State's record against the spread on Saturday night primetime games that take place in September, are announced by Chris Fowler when the weather is between 23 and 82 degrees Fahrenheit, and featured an FCS team). In other words, careful campers...

Since it's getting late and my kids don't understand the concept of sleeping in, here's a quick hitter top 5 list (in no particular order) why MSU takes care of bid-ness:

1) Connor Cook. Simply put, he's developed into a solid QB who has proven his ability in big time games against big time teams before. Meanwhile, Oregon had to import a QB from an FCS school. Clear advantage to Sparty

2) Revenge - The Spartans remember what happened last year in the Pacific Northwest and will have their revenge. Much like Frodo, Sam and friends in The Return of the King, Sparty bows to no one.

3) Drake recently attended an Oregon game and let's be honest, how does the stink of the Fighting Ex-Hoke's not infiltrate the Ducks? During that game, Oregon gave up (roughly) 83 points and 9,122 yards to an FCS school. Yikes.

4) In D'Antonio we trust. Dude can coach, period. And while Central Michigan put up a few points last week, I fully expect Coach D (that's what he goes by here in SEC Heaven) to get those issues corrected.

5) Although Drake tries to sarcastically refer to Michigan State as "little brother," while we were hanging out at the Hard Rock this past spring watching the opening weekend of March Madness, even he admitted he would love to play hoops for Coach Izzo. So, even though he doesn't like the Spartans, he envies them...keep that in mind while he tries to sell you on Oregon having a chance in this game.

And with that, loyal readers, I'm out - until you're lucky enough to be graced with my writing prowess again; stay safe, enjoy the games and whatever you do always remember that there's the SEC, a huge gap, a giant fissure, an enormous hole, and then the rest of college football. 

He Said: Drake
Why Oregon not only covers the +3.5, but gets the W

I love it when he gets all “feelings-analysis” on us.

Isn’t it cute?

The great thing about early season picks is that stats don’t get in the way. Instead, you rely on your knowledge of the game when making your predictions. Unlike our little friend from the North, I happen to have college football experience. While he was trash-talking his buddies at the chess club, I was strapping on a helmet and pads and running crossing routes into 230 lb linebackers. So go whatever direction you want.

Bottom line is this: Narduzzi is gone.

The mighty Spartan D is a thing of the past. Coach “we’re being disrespected” Dantonio is running out of speeches to fire up his team. The only reason they will be in the conversation this season is because 25th year senior QB, Connor Cook, is leading a decent offense.

Here’s the thing though, I actually think Eastern Washington’s offense is better than Michigan State’s.

Yes, Oregon’s secondary is troublesome. That’s why I said in my QBT that the over is a no-brainer.

But who would you rather take in a shoot-out, the team that has averaged 46.7 points per game over the past five seasons, or the one that averaged 30.5 over the same period? How’s that for a stat, sweet pea?

Do yourself a favor. Smile nicely at the door-to-door salesman selling you his humanity and crappy pick and throw your money behind the winner. 

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